Jacob had a dilemma. Years earlier, he had lost his favourite son Joseph and had never gotten over the
loss. But he had to move on and live his life, which he tried to do. Then a
famine came. He sent his sons to buy food from Egypt but they returned with
horrible news. Not only had the Egyptian prime minister suspected then of being
spies, he had also seized Simeon their brother and declared that he would only
believe their claims of innocence if they came back with their youngest
brother, Benjamin.
Of course, Jacob wasn’t going
to allow that. His favourite wife Rachael had only borne two sons- Joseph and
Benjamin. Rachael was dead, Joseph was dead. He’d rather die than lose Benjamin
too.
But as the days wore on, he
watched the food which his children and grandchildren ate diminish slowly and
he wondered how long he could hold on. Would he hold everyone’s stomachs ransom because
he did not want another broken heart? He had lost a wife and two children- but
would the rest starve because of his fear?
His heart began to melt and his
resolve cracked. Yes, Benjamin might not return from Egypt, and yes, if it happened,
he might die of sorrow. But he was ready to lose Benjamin if it meant the
others would live. He finally got to the point where he could say, “if it must be so, then do this…and if I am
bereaved of my children, then I am bereaved.” (Genesis 43:14)
It was only when he got to that
point that everything turned around for his good. It was only when he could let
Benjamin die that he gained everything- Joseph, Simeon, Benjamin, food and the
riches and wealth of Egypt.
Sometimes you have to let go
not because it is pleasant but because it is necessary. It is when you can say,
like Esther “if I perish, I perish” that you actually begin to live. Jacob let
go of Benjamin not because it was pleasant, but because it was necessary for
others to have life. When you can kill your darlings; your Isaacs and your
Benjamins, then you receive life in abundance. When you are ready to carry your
cross, to lose your life for Christ’s sake, then you will gain it all. But till
you learn to sacrifice, lose, suffer and die, you will remain alone, small and
never truly satisfied.
Amen
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